Growth

"Women are always being tested...but ultimately, each of us has to define who we are individually and then do the very best job we can to grow into that," Hilary Clinton

I was supposed to be thinner by now.

I was supposed to be going to the gym atleast 4 times a week.

I was supposed to be tracking points and making healthy and worthful food choices.

I was supposed to care enough about myself to want to make changes.

I was supposed to use the inspiration I find when reading your blogs and apply it to myself.

I was supposed to be accountable to myself.

I was supposed to feel sexier and less self-conscious.

I was supposed to be able to climb a set of stairs and not be winded.

I was supposed to fit into clothes that are sitting in my closet waiting to be worn.

What the heck happened?

*hugs*

Reason Wednesday.

"Greatness lies not only in being strong, but in the right use of strength," Henry Ward Beecher

Beautiful bloggers - how I have missed you so.

I have also missed me so too.

You would be so disappointed in me if you only knew...

...how lazy I have become.

...how HORRIBLY I have been eating.

...how glutunous I am.

...how unmotivated I was.

I'm back because of yesterday.

I was at work and had a meeting. I wore a black business suit with a white blouse underneath.

I have never felt so uncomfortable in my entire life.

Friends, I am going to be honest in that, I seriously had trouble breathing. I was sitting at my desk and could not believe that I was that person. The person who has perhaps eaten way too much in the last few weeks. The person that needs new clothes because her old ones don't fit her anymore - all of her own doing.

I have hit the bottom. That has to be the bottom the way I was feeling yesterday.

I weighed myself when I went to my b/f's house last night as well and I am up. Big time.

I don't know why I keep thinking the weight is going to come off - just like that. Snap of the finger. Clap of the hand.

Why am I so disillusioned about this?

Frankly, I'm lazy. And I hate to say that people who are overweight are lazy - I am speaking specifically about MY case. I have been lazy.

I am working on figuring this thing out one hour at a time, one day at a time.

I am back reading and following your successes and mistrials. I need to be motivated and you do it for me. Big time.

Thank you.

*hugs*

Fundamental Friday

"A man generally has the good or ill qualities he attributes to mankind," William Shenstone

It has been quite a whacky week where I am kids.

Two super good friends (a married couple) have called it quits. We also all work together. Needless to say, it's been an interesting ride the last few days - judgements and stories and rumours flying rampant.

All of this makes me happy it's Friday. End of week day. Start of weekend day.

I am super stoked about sharing my non-weight related happiness with you all today.

I went to the gym yesterday AND brought my clothes to go to the gym today after work too.

We got a call from the new gym we signed up for and it now won't be opening until October. One of my coworkers invited me to go with her so I did. And I LOVE IT! I actually do really like working out. It's the repetition I don't like - I'm a Gemini so we are supposed to get bored easily.

I am so proud of myself.

I read Sean's little creed to myself (check back a post or two to see what I'm talking about) and gosh darn it people - it is a ringing bell to my ears.

You know like Hallelujah! Hallelujah! (well, atleast I can hear the song in my head!) Ha!

I will leave you with a little paragraph I found while looking for my quote today. I think it's a good little test about ourselves (not that I'm leaving you with homework before the weekend).

Think of someone you admire very much. Write down a list of the things you admire most about this person. You have just listed your own good points! Read them through carefully, and give yourself credit for having these fine qualities.

Enjoy every moment of every day for yourselves.

*hugs*

Reason Wednesday

"Set your sights high, the higher the better. Expect the most wonderful things to happen, not in the future but right now. Realise that nothing is too good. Allow absolutely nothing to hamper you or hold you up in any way," Eileen Caddy

Hi there kitty kats!

This past weekend has been a good one for me in terms of realigning my goals and what I want in life - both within weight loss and outside of it too.

I just finished reading a comment that Sean of Daily Diary of a Winning Loser wrote on Kenz's All the Weigh most recent posting.

These words hit me so hard. Like bricks people. You all know by now that I love motivational stuff and I took some pieces out of his comment and have created a little sheet for me to read every day. I made a copy for my house, my purse and my work.

This is what I captured from the comment:

I have made an iron clad decision to change regardless of the circumstances or emotions of the day. Ultimately, if I am successful or not - it will not be because I chose calories or points, it will be because I made that unwavering decision to be consistent in my efforts. It will be because I decided to become really honest with myself about my relationship with food and exercise. It will be because I decided to make this time different than any other attempt - steamrolling excuses or rationalizations that try to give me an easy exit to my old behaviours. Can I just say - I am amazing in so many wonderful ways.

You see my lovelies - every single one of those words has touched my heart. Has penetrated my brain (has anyone seen Inception?? Amaze.)

I hope that whatever motivates each and every one of you on your journey, you keep close at hand to be a reminder of how amazing you all are and what you can accomplish once you put your mind to it.

Do it to it!

*hugs*

Fundamental Friday

"Life is what we make it - always has been, always will be," Grandma Moses

Happy Friday friends!

The end of a week but the beginning of a long weekend (for me). Super psyched! Can you tell??

I had a fantastic week this week - I have had a smile on my face everyday. I feel very content and full of love inside.

Next week I will be setting some goals for myself - and posting them on the blog.

Things like goals I want to be at and mini rewards for when I reach each one.

Something inside me feels like it's changing (in a good way). I can't totally explain it but it just feels like life will be on a steady stream of sunshine for me (atleast for the next while) and I'm going to ride the wave.

Are you sick of this sunshine and lollipops stuff yet?? I'm barfing a little just re-reading it! Ha!

Have a fantabulous weekend my lovely darlings!

*hugs*

Aim and Thanks.

"Aim at the sun, and you may not reach it; but your arrow will fly far higher than if you aimed at an object on a level with yourself," Judy Hawes

The beatiful Kelly from Journey to a New Me gave me this blog award. People - I'm blushing! So sweet! Thanks lady!

There are some rules and responsibilities that come along with it...

The Rules

1. Thank the person who gave you the award.
2. Share seven things about yourself.
3. Nominate seven newly discovered blogs.
4. Let your nominees know about the award

So, 7 things about myself...

1.) I don't like chatting over the telephone. Text is a close second for dislike. I'd rather chat/text for 2 minutes and then actually get together.

2.) I heart Christmas. Maybe more than baby Jesus himself.

3.) My favourite city in the world is New York City. I'm going with a friend in December to experience all that is Christmas in NYC.

4.) I have never been to a Carribean island or down south. I hope to remedy that soon.

5.) My biggest fear is divorce. Not sure why really. No one in my family is divorced. None of my closest friends are divorced.

6.) When I look in the mirror in the mornings, I genuinely like what I see. When I look at myself in photos, yuck!

7.) I pretty much drink a grande, nonfat cappucino every morning. I should have shares in Starbucks.

Nominating other blogs...this is harder! I haven't had time to read through everyone who has added me to their blog rolls so I will create a separate post and spotlight other blogs - pinky swear!

Have a terrific Thursday peeps!

*hugs*

Reason Wednesday

"The difference between a dream and a goal is a plan," Anonymous

Well, lovelies...it is Wednesday. Half way through the week. Hump day. The day after Tuesday.

We have a long weekend coming up in Canada (Ontario actually) and I cannot be looking more forward to it. I'm going to the zoo on one of those days. Am super stoked! I haven't been to a zoo since I was a kid and even then the memories are vague.

On this sunny day, I am wishing to be thinnner because...

...I want to be in better shape.

I don't want to be out of breath when I have to walk up a flight of stairs.
I don't want to be out of breath when I catch up to a group of friends walking ahead.
I don't want to be out of breath when I get into an exercise class and it hasn't even begun.
I don't want to be out of breath when I walk around petting all the animals at the zoo.
I don't want to be out of breath.

With my trusty pedometer and exercise plan, my staggered breath will soon become a thing of the past. My body has what a trainer once called 'muscle memory'. I may be a tad (ok, more than a tad) out of shape but once I start working out regularly, my body morphs to exercise really fast and really well. I must tell you though that this does not help my procrastination problems... Ha!

*hugs*

Goals.

"I knew I was going to be a comedian when I was about six. You get what you believe you'll get. You have to really want it and you'll get it," Billy Connolly

I wholeheartedly agree with this quote.

I believe that when you open yourself up to positivity, love and hopefulness - you will in turn receive positivity, love and hope. When you emit vibes of desperation, loneliness and negativity...well, you get the picture....(disclaimer: I'm not referring to anyone who suffers from depression - I'm referring to those who create negative energy for themselves)

I think I emit a positive vibe most of the time. Don't get me wrong, I stress too but I am truly blessed in life with a loving family, fantastic friends, a good job, amazing b/f - all things I have mentioned before on this blog. I have a friend who is stuck in a rut right now (actually, has been for awhile) in terms of love and romance. Thing is, she brings down all those around her and no matter how positive one is - you can't help but be affected by her attitude. This is causing some of our friends to de-friend her.

Now, I suffer from a major case of the guilts. So, I can never de-friend her. Plus, if this was happening to me, I would want someone to try and stick it out with me and keep on believing in me too. So, I stick it out and believe - but without jeopardizing my happiness too.

On this weight loss journey, I am constantly keeping a positive state of mind and being conscious of my choices to force good habits. I don't want to be that downer to you, my beautiful and bodacious blog buddies. I've told you on countless occasions what it is you do for me - and it's true. I hope, in some small way, that I do it for you too.

(You know do it like help you - unless I do it for you in "another way" in which case I'm flattered :)

*hugs*

Song.

"Just going to stand there and watch me burn, that's alright because I like the way it hurts," Eminem and Rihanna

I love music. All kind of music actually.

I will replay the same song in my car while driving because I find it awesome. This practice either makes me hate the song by the end, or love the song forever.

An example of hate includes Blondie (listened to them when I was breaking up with a b/f and can't stand listening to them anymore...shame).

An example of love includes any 80's song like Rick Astely or Milli Vanilli (it brings me to a happy place when life was so simple).

Most people may think that Eminem is an odd choice of role model but the last 2 songs he has released - well, I find them amazing. Both are about standing on your own feet and overcoming obstacles and facing demons.

People may not like him but his lyrics are usually very profond (my b/f would disagree with me a lot!)

Where is this going? Well, I had a pretty crappy day yesterday - a few personal issues that I had to deal with and needless to say, I woke up this morning with puffy eyes and a wicked headache. As I was driving to work, one of E's new songs came on and I started belting out at the top of my lungs (a common practice for me at any time of day in the car) and I instantly felt better. Empowered. Like the clouds parted and the sun came out to shine. Like the black storm cloud stopped raining. It was uplifting to say the least.

Then I came to write in my blog as well. To get rid of the last of the bad feelings and bring in the new because it's Monday. Because I'm worth feeling good about. Because some may want to watch me burn, but the surprise is that I truly do love the way it hurts. It reminds me that I can always turn a new leaf. And that haters will always hate.

*hugs*

P.S. Tomorrow will be a much perkier post - promise!

Fundamental Friday.

"We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give," Winston Churchill

I have always been... A giver. A gifter. A giant (huh? how did that get in there?)

Today, I am dedicating this lil' 'ol blog post to all of you - the people who take the time to read what I have written. It isn't always much but it's a collection of jumblings in my head.

You truly do not know how much it means to me to have you support me and how therapeutic it is for me to read all of your words on your blogs about your struggles, and more importanly, your continued successes and tries. It warms my cockles let me tell ya!

Also on this day, I am thankful to not be obsessed with the scale (because I am slightly obsessed with the scale). I am choosing to be thankful for so many other things, like:

- taking some time off for me and to just be me
- being in love and being loved
- having my b/f help me with my fear of dogs (he's dog-sitting this week)
- walking to the fridge looking for a snack and then realizing that I'm really not hungry
- a friend surprising me with a new Starbucks mug I've had my eye on for awhile

See?

And I know that there are a myriad of things similar to my list that each and every one of you is thankful for - that isn't weight related. Sometimes it's nice to just know that life will never give you more than you can handle.

If all else fails, please remember that I think you are fantastic. Truly. This giant never lies :)

Have a wonderful weekend!!

*hugs*

Gifts.

"When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive - to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love." Marcus Aurelius

me and the b/f

me, super duper relaxed after a day at the spa

b/f being silly

Good-day my lovelies!!

I have been slightly MIA lately...with good reason. I took a few days off. Some well-deserved and much-needed R&R.

I had dinner with friends; I visited my b/f's parents; I went to a spa; I vegged for an entire day by myself. I haven't felt this relaxed in a really long time - and you know what else?? I lost a pound! I am feeling great and back on track. Vaia needed some she-time and it did me a world of good.

What have you all been up to?

*hugs*

Fundamental Friday

"In all ranks of life, the human heart yearns for the beautiful; and the beautiful things that God makes are his gift to all alike," Harriet Beecher Stowe

On this fantastic Friday, I am thankful for all the gifts that He has given me.

I am not taking for granted the fact that...

...I am able to wake up in the morning.
...I have a wonderful job.
...my family is very close to me and I to them.
...my legs are able to walk; my arms are able to carry.
...my mind is full of ideas.
...my heart is full of love.

I don't think I can ask for much more than that (well, I mean, I can ask for much more than that...) but I won't. Today.

Have a wonderful weekend - hope your legs lead you to wherever you want to go.

*hugs*

Extra Giddy.

"Umm, dude!" - me

Wow!
I was just given a blog award!! How freaking cool is that! Extra giddy for sures!

I got it from Vegan Ana - such a cool lady!! Show her some love - I know it's in ya, since you've all shown so much of it to me :) Sorry guys, I don't know how to link to her site :(

So, here are the rules that come with this award (geez, I pretty much just told 3 coworkers I got this and they all look at me like 'and?'.....)

1. Thank the person who gave you the award.
2. Share seven things about yourself.
3. Nominate fifteen newly discovered blogs.
4. Let your nominees know about the award.

Seven things about myself...hmmm....

i.) My favourite colour is red but I don't own a single item of clothing that is red; nor piece of jewellery; nor purse; nor shoe.

ii.) I heart turtles. The animal and the chocolate.

iii.) I say dude. A lot.

iv.) I am the oldest of 3 children. I am the classic oldest child. Check out definitions of oldest child and you will find me.

v.) I am 32 years old and I look 23. I don't mind this too much since when I'm 42 I'll look 30. It only bothers me when clients say to me 'my aren't you kinda young to have such a big job'. That irks me like nobody's beeswax.

vi.) I work in a children's hospital foundation. I adore my job. So far, the best day has been when some kids came to my office and brought me a red nose to be an honorary clown for a day.

vii.) I love the look of manicure fingers and pedicured toes, yet hate how nail polish feels on my hands and feet.


I'm not sure who to pinpoint so instead, I ask all of you to share your info with me if you like :) No pressure dude.

Thanks again Ana!

*double hugs*

Giddy.

"If people knew how hard I work to gain my mastery; it would not seem so wonderful at all," Michelangelo

water bottle and pedometer (Eddie Bauer)

Weight loss truly is hard work.

One must watch and measure and think about their food intake. However, food intake alone isn't what helps the weight come off, nor what keeps the weight off.

Exercise is a huge component to a healthy lifestyle. Not only for weight loss but for heart health, skin glow, endurance, attitude - it does so much for you!

My awesome boytoy not only got me a gym membership for our one year anniversary (more on that in a second) but picked me up a pedometer (he got himself one too) as well as a water bottle for my hot yoga classes. What a cutie, eh!

As for the gym membership, a new gym is opening near his place and since I spend the majority of my time with him, we both took advantage of the amazing low price that the new gym had to offer. The other night I was telling my mom that the membership was my gift from him and she replied with "why did he get you that? does he think you're fat?" Ugh. This from the woman who tried pushing me to join WW when I was 12 and NOT.EVEN.REMOTELY.OVERWEIGHT.

I replied as calmly as I could that in fact, we were doing it together and that he also thinks that I am perfect and beautiful just as I am. He tells me all the time. Part of why I love him so. I left it at that. She sees weight issues very differently than I do and it's a wonder why I don't have more body issues after growing up with such bad attitudes (don't get me wrong, I have issues but as I've mentioned before, my self-esteem is still quite intact).

So, along with tracking my food, weighing in at WW every week and increasing my water intake - exercise will become a priority and mainstay in my life.

How did you prioritize exercise? What motivates you to keep at it? Your tips are super appreciative!

*hugs*

P.S. I adore and love my mom to bits! She was just raised with a harsh body attitude and unfortunately, still thinks the way her parents did. I am less judgemental about people than most of my family. When she makes comments like the one above, I try to correct or educate her but in the end, it is up to her to draw her own conclusions.

Reason Wednesday

"Often genius is just another way of spelling perseverance," Anonymous

There once was a girl named Vaia,
who set out on a journey of loss;
She started a blog to help her,
stay accountable and lead her like a boss.

She found some friends along the way,
and is forever grateful for the support;
Her daily choices in food and drink
are better - the bad stuff she will just abort.

She has many reasons she wants to be thin,
and every Wednesday she will share;
Every single one becomes her solemn hymn,
and she shares because she knows you all care.

Today her reason is:
to be able to wear sleeveless tops.
You see she wears them since it's super hot outside
but the extra skin she hates since it flops.

To remedy this problem
she'll go to the gym and yoga too;
For she knows that one day in the near future
her wish to have Angela Bassett arms will come true!

Please share with her your reasons
for why you want to be slim;
Even a hello! and how do you do!
will bring her happiness to the brim.

*hugs*

Goodness.

"To know someone here or there with whom you feel there is understanding in spite of distances or thoughts unexpressed - that can make of this earth a garden," Johann von Goethe

Weekly weigh-in = check.

Drinking 2 litres of water = check check.

Purchasing new work-out clothes = check check check.

I did it. I went to my weigh-in because I am accountable to myself to make this work for me. I had a gain but all that does is reinforce the hard work I need to get back to doing.

I joined Kenz (from All the Weigh fame) with the daily water challenge. I love water. Just the pure stuff - no Crystal Light or flavoured stuff for me. It's my drink of choice at restaurants. Over the weekend my brother told me that I am a server's nightmare because all I order is water. But I have found that I get too full drinking anything else and then can't enjoy my food. Plus, I don't want to drink all the extra calories. I'd rather eat them Ha!

I went shopping during my lunch hour yesterday and bought myself 2 pairs of workout pants and 2 tanks. To know me is to know that I don't do sleeveless very often but I am signing up for Moksha Yoga (which is a super hot yoga) and the less clothes the better. I don't need to scare the class by showing up au naturel so capris and tanks it is!

It feels like a fantastic day - even though the view outside my window says differently. And yes, I have a window-view. Jealous? Ooohhh, you should be. I get to stare out at a cement wall all day long. All day. Oh yeah baby. Be amazed.

*hugs*

Envy.

"Anyone can sympathise with the sufferings of a friend, but it takes a fine nature to sympathise with a friend's success," Oscar Wilde

I am guilty.

I have suffered from envy. Friend envy - and it's the worst. The pits I tell ya.

I am not really a materialistic person, I do however like nice things. I want to be able to take whirlwind weekend jaunts to Vegas with my friends; I want that gorgeous Michael Kors clutch; I want to wear that hot pink mini out in the market and be stared at for all the right (errr, wrong) reasons....

So, I work hard and hope that the old saying of 'good things come to those who wait' is really true.

However, that does not apply to weight loss. You have to work really hard for weight loss and not just 'wait'. I am getting weighed tonight. I'm not entirely sure of why I have been in such a downward spiral these past few weeks. After reading some other blogs, some of you have been too.

I spent this past weekend trying to figure out why I am sabotaging myself, why I cringe at compliments, why I envy slimmer people. I don't have all the answers but I did come to realize that envy is not the answer. That only sets me up for another downfall.

My friends love me for me and I love them for them. Exactly as we are. Will they love me more when I'm thinner - well, the best I have come up with is that they will react to the happiness and peace I come to with myself once I set out, reach and succeed at my goals.

Maybe then I'll be the subject of envy...

*hugs*

Fundamental Friday

"Friendship with oneself is all-important because without it one cannot be friends with anyone else in the world," Eleanor Roosevelt

I like myself. Really.

My self-confidence and self-esteem are pretty good - always have been. I can remember back to when I first heard some family members discussing how fat I am and how surprised I was at their comment. (For the record, I was 16, 5'4 and weighed 125 pounds. I had large breasts early which made me look larger as well). According to those stats, a fat girl does not make. I was popular in school, got good grades, had amazing friends, excelled at sports yet I remember the first time I heard family call me fat and that's what sticks out most in my head.

On this gorgeous Friday, I am going to celebrate some of the good things that happened this week...

- tried out a vegetarian restaurant

- took yesterday off and made it all about me (spent the entire day at a friend's pool)

- went to watch a friend's soccer game

- stood outside in a surprise downpour with my boyfriend and just enjoyed the moment

- went to weigh-in, no matter what the results

- was shown TONS of bloggin' love!

So, lovelies...let me know what good things happened to you this week. I don't want to hear about traffic being horrendous, or food intake being bad, or the cat puked into your favourite shoes. There are good things that happen to us each and every day - just take a moment to replay them today!

*hugs*

Reason Wednesday

"You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you," Dale Carnegie

Ummm, hello! Bonjour! Yeia sas!

Imagine the surprise when I go to write a new post and I have 12 comments from the last one. My first thought was that I got spammed. But then I was all like, does spamming even happen on blog comments?

Drazil is such an awesome lady - as almost all of you already know. What I love most about her (and what draws me most to people like her) is that they speak their minds. Their dirty and demented minds :) Love ya D!

Thanks for joining me on my journey - I love the pressure!! I love the accountability. I fear the letdown but the solution to that is not to let you down (or me for that matter).

So, without further ado, my reason for losing weight on this wonderful Wednesday:

Shopping.

I was out and about (oot and aboot for you American folks) in the shops yesterday. I bought myself a few super duper cute bathing suit cover-ups for lounging by the pool (since I have made the decision to not shy away from swimming in pools this summer).

There were a few things that did not fit properly and I refused to go up a size mainly because in a couple of weeks and a few more months, I won't fit into those same clothes. So, why waste the moola? Am I right?

I heart shopping. When people ask me what hobbies I have - shopping is the top of the list. I don't shy away from stores - even now - but shopping with less of me on me is going to be insane in the membrane!

Once again, thanks for joining me lovelies!! I truly appreciate it and look forward to getting to know you all.

*hugs*

Friendship.

"We are all travellers in the wilderness of this world, and the best we can find in our travels is an honest friend," Robert Louis Stevenson

Dearly beloved,

We are gathered here today to witness the weight gain of our lovely blog friend, Vaia.

It is with a heavy heart that she even writes this blog. However, it is with a gentle spirit that she continues to battle on with her journey.

She knows that dedicating herself to this task is difficult yet she forges on.

Vaia has written her own vows which she shall now share...

I promise to love myself and value the body that has served me so well for so many years.

I promise to be true to the choices I make in life.

I will eat well and exercise regularly.

I will remember that the 5th yummy frothy slushy drink is not mandatory.

Her devotion to losing weight will remain steadfast.

Through the power of blog land and the wonderful people and journeys she reads about and learns from, she is forever grateful.

If anyone here can think of a reason of why she should just quit her battle, speak now or forever hold your peace.

*hugs*

Freedom.

"To move freely you must be deeply rooted," Bella Lewitzky

Happy Monday munchkins!!

I had a fantastic long weekend! It started with a Canada Day bbq with some friends and then off to my b/f's family reunion. It happens once every 5 years. It was super fun and mucho relaxing. So lovely.

My eating habits were ok...I didn't snack too much because all we did was sit around and I didn't want to eat a bag of chips every couple of hours so instead I walked around the grounds.

And drank with his sister-in-law. A lot lot.

I am not exactly looking forward to weigh-in tonight...ugh. But it shall be done. I set a personal goal for myself to look smokin' hot for the next reunion...in 5 years :)

*hugs*

Reason Wednesday

"Forgiveness is the key to action and freedom," Hannah Arendt

It has been a bit of a hard week. I credit this blog for helping me stay positive and in focus.

I know I can be honest because while we know each other, we don't know each other...know what I mean? It's easy to just write it out into cyberland. Cyberland doesn't talk back. Ha!

So, as the week progresses and tomorrow is Canada Day - I am in a great mood! I have an extra long weekend because I took Friday off.

Dear lovies...today I want to lose weight because of:

People.

I will be meeting my b/f's very large family at a family reunion this weekend. This will be the first time I will be meeting most of these people (outside of his immediate family members who I have already met) and this brings me to the topic of wanting to look good for when I meet and see people.

This includes people I've known forever, people I just meet, people I bump into that I don't like, old high school peeps - the world in general.

I want to leave an impression of holy hotness batman!

And yes, I am aware there is more to a person that looks - but truly can you see personality from across a room? And even though I'm not looking to find the man of my dreams (because I have found him) I am still wanting people to look at me and think good things. Then when I cross the room I can blind them with my flashing personality!

Watch out reunion - this greek girl is ready for ya!! Hope you're ready for her!

*hugs*

Silly.

"If people didn't sometimes do silly things, nothing intelligent would ever get done," Ludwig Wittgenstein

I once (actually a few times) went to see a spiritual consultant (psychic) highly recommended by a friend (I was very curious).

She told me lots of things about myself that were right on track and even a few things about where my path is going. She couldn't see the final destination but could see the direction.

There were 2 things she said that I found interesting:

1.) That I would get younger the older I became. Which means playing and being silly and having fun would become very important parts of my life as I grew. Why I find this intriguing is because all my life - being the eldest child - has proven to come with major responsibility and usually means putting myself last (or definitely not first). As I'm maturing (Ha!) I am finding that I want to do all the fun stuff I never got to do as a kid or as a teen or as a young adult. My family seems to be having a hard time coming to terms with 'me' putting 'me' first. But, I can't worry about that (even though I still do).

2.) That my weight is an issue for me. Now, you may be thinking that she could see that since I'm larger and obvious but it's what she said afterwards that's important. She said that I'm thinking of losing weight (this was right before re-joining WW) but that I am fabulous just the way I am. That if I never lost one pound of where I was at it wouldn't matter because I already think that I'm fantastic. And the thing is, I honestly do think I'm pretty awesome.

Vain alert!

But what she said resonated with me because while I am on a mission to lose weight for my health and let's be honest here, to look better, there is a part of me that truly druly ruly likes who I already am.

So, for all you lovelies out there today - I hope you can take a moment to be silly and truly druly ruly enjoy who you are!

*hugs*

Foolishness.

"The greatest lesson in life is to know that even fools are right sometimes," Winston Churchill

It had been 2 weeks but I went to get weighed yesterday.

I was up 2.5 lbs. You know what? I was so proud of myself :)

I was happy because I bit the bullet and went to get weighed even though I had a fear it would be up. I was happy because it was only 2.5 lbs in a 2 week period after so many work and personal events. I was happy because I did not beat myself up over the gain - instead I gave myself a little pep talk before and after weigh-in so that I would be ok with whatever the outcome is.

You know what else? I'm always worried the women who weigh me in will judge me for my gain. How crazy is that, eh? I don't know these women from Adam. We don't run in the same social circles. We don't even really chat with each other. Yet - part of my fear of going to WW yesterday was what will the weigh-in lady think of me. Seriously. Who knew weight loss was so much of a journey - not only about food but of myself as well.

Happy Monday!!

Here's to an amazing week (and a 2.5 lb loss!)

*hugs*

Reason Wednesday.

"It is not death that a man should fear, but he should fear never beginning to live," Marcus Aurelius

Weight or no weight, I am not waiting to live my life.

I love my life. I love the people in it. I love how I choose to be in the moment each and every day of it.

My reason today for wanting to lose weight:

Bathing suits.

Yup. That dreaded summer time horror show. How can such little material cause such huge anguish??

Thing is, I still wear mine. One of my best friends has a pool and I'll be damned if I'm going to sit on the sidelines dipping my toes in the shallow end all because I don't want to be seen in a swimsuit.

Now, please don't get me wrong...I don't want to be seen in a swimsuit Ha! But I hate the alternative more. When I'm 86 years old and I wonder about things I did when I was younger - I do not want to look back and say I should have swam more but was too self-conscious about being in my bathing suit. I will be mad at my 32 year old self when I'm 86 and I don't want to live a life of regrets.

So, folks, while I won't be posting any pics of my lovely curves in the most minimal of clothing choices, I want you to know that I will indeed be sporting a lil' somethin' to the pool this summer.

*hugs*

Fear.

"Fear is a question. What are you afraid of and why? Our fears are a treasure house of self knowledge if we explore them," Marilyn French

I think I've mentioned this before but I have some fears sometimes about what happens after I've lost all the weight I want to lose.

Will I be more beautiful? Will I be more liked? Will I be more successful? Will I...Will I...Will I...

The fear that nothing will change in my life is an honest one. I don't, however, think it's a valid one. The weight loss journey I am undertaking has already changed some of the ways I look at things I do. Everyone says it's a lifestyle change - and it is. I make better choices throughout the day about what I'm going to eat - I plan for when I know I'll be eating out - I take the stairs instead of the elevator.

One of my biggest fears though is how my friends and people around me will treat me. Will they treat me better and nicer and be kinder and more friendly when I'm thinner?? And why will they? It's not right, right? I hope to pretty much be the same person - only I know I will be a bit of a changed person. How can someone not change after losing weight. The success of setting a goal in motion and then succeeding at that goal has to change a person. I only can hope that my friends and family will show me just as much love and support 100 lbs from now as they do on this very day.

(this is a 2:00 a.m. run after a fantastic night of not-so-good behaviour)

To conquer.

"I believe anyone can conquer fear by doing the things he fears to do, provided he keeps doing them until he gets a record of successful experiences behind him," Eleanor Roosevelt

I had a fantastic weekend - so fabulous in fact, that I did not get weighed. Pretty much because I was going off of 2 hours sleep and my stomach was not agreeing with me Sunday morning.

Alas, I weighed myself on a home scale and the numbers seemed ok to me. I am tracking and have a positive mind-set about this week and where I will be come Sunday at my next weigh-in.

My little goals this week include a work event on Saturday and Canada Day festivities next week. I want to look super good for the b/f's family that I'm meeting over the long weekend so these are the goals in my head and my heart.

How were your weekends? I had great food, delicious drinks and a wonderful time with friends. The entire time I was happy and laughing and not worrying about food (all the while making good choices). How about that!

*hugs*

Fundamental Friday.

"The greatest fault is to be conscious of none,' Thomas Carlyle

I do have a tendency to put my head in the sand.

I am also a closet eater. And a gold-card carrying member of the clean your plate club.

I am conscious of these faults and I am working on them - every day.

Today, I am not going to ramble off any faults - only good things as always on a Friday.

- I tried to deal with personal issues before they got out of control.

- I went shopping and bought myself a few (too many) cute things.

- I got my Smart Serve card.

- I got to bed early and slept soundly through the night.

- I got right back onto tracking as soon as I stopped.

What were your good Friday notes?

Hope you all have a wonderful weekend!!

*hugs*

Faith.

"Yes, I have doubted. I have wandered off the path. I have been lost. But I always returned." Helen Hayes

I have wandered and doubted this week. I have also returned to make it better.

The difference before is that I just kept wandering...I just kept eating a donut with my breakfast bagel. I just kept sitting inside on a gorgeous sunny day. I just kept not caring about my body and my health and me.

I am actually not stressing about my weigh-in on Sunday. Even if I gain. Even if I gain.

I love waking up in the morning and not feeling grogy. I love choosing the clothes I'm going to wear and not have a muffin top sneaking out from under my jeans. I love that my skin is soft and clear because of the seas of water I've been gulping down. A donut is soo not worth trading for these victories.

Do you ever stray? How do you return?

*hugs*

Reason Wednesday.

"I pray hard, work hard and leave the rest to God," Florence Griffith Joyner

And you know what, if it's good enough for Florence, it's good enough for me.

My reason to lose weight on this wonderful Wednesday is:

Me.

Simply.

Because I deserve to be happy. To relish being in my own skin. To not want to wish I was a different version of myself. Because I am the best version of myself right now.

I'm just helping perfection along a little bit :)

*hugs*

Failure.

"There is no failure except in not trying," Elbert Hubbard

I almost didn't blog today. It's because I skipped my weigh-in yesterday. I was tired. I was hungry. I wanted to spend time with my b/f. I was also nervous about what the scale would say.

I didn't have the mental strength yesterday to beat myself up for not going and I don't want to do that to myself today either. Instead, I turn to my blog and to all of you. I am accountable for my actions and in the end, I'm just hurting myself by not going or by giving up. (Important to note: I am not giving up!)

I don't believe in quick fixes but believe you me, there are days I wish it was possible. A little pill to shed away all those imperfections. A magic potion to swallow away excess pounds. But what would I have learned that way? I need to work hard to get this weight off. It's a mental and a physical challenge and journey.

While at dinner with the b/f last night, we ordered our entrees and I flipped through the dessert menu. I made mention that we should get something to go since we'd be too full to eat it at the restaurant but could have it later while watching a movie. He made some comment about how his grandmother used to always leave food on her plate so she could make room for dessert. I said that was a good idea. He said why order dessert when you're full. I said she probably left food on her plate so she wouldn't be full and could comfortably and guiltlessly enjoy some dessert too. He then said it's no wonder people are overweight when they eat even after they are full.

This last comment struck a major chord with me and I was very upset with his comment. Indirectly I felt it was aimed at me - it honestly wasn't. He was just talking about his grandmother being large and mainly because she constantly ate her way through life. All the way home I was quiet with him and seethed inside. The worst part is that I knew none of his comments were aimed at me. He loves me, adores me and thinks I'm perfect. Seriously. He supports me with WW because it's something I want to do for myself to feel good. He thinks I look fabulous all the time.

When I told him that his comment really bothered me, I thought he was going to start to cry over how upset he thought he had made me. He started telling me how I'm ridiculous if I ever thought anything other than how wonderful he thinks I am. Exactly as I am.

Moral of this story - go get weighed. Ha!

*hugs*

Lifting.

"My downfall raises me to great heights," Napoleon Bonaparte

I really like this quote today.

For the past 24 hours I have felt very down, sad and a bit melancholic. I'm not entirely sure why. There are times I just get this way - though I do attribute some of it to being overworked and extremely exhausted. The last few months have been insanely busy with work and life. I think it may finally be catching up with me seeing as our last big work event is next weekend and then we have a month to recover.

Napoleon's words appeal to me because I am determined to rise above any sadness and that includes bad thoughts. Being in a bad place definitely brings me to a place where I want to curl up on the couch and surround myself with fast and easy food. Fast and easy food is usually synonymous with unhealthy (in my books).

If these feelings happened to me even a year ago, I would do just that. Take some time for myself and eat my sorrow in fried food. All that does though is make me feel even worse in the end. Lately I'm coming to the conclusion that the best part about feeling this way is that a little voice in my head is screaming that I don't want to feel this way and that I am capable of feeling so much more - in fact, even turning my frown upside down.

So...I allow myself to be down in the dumps. Yesterday. Today, I filled my water bottle, I took my multi-vitamin, I tracked my food for today, I wrote in my blog.

Do you ever get just down in the dumps? How do you get yourself out of it?

*hugs*

Fundamental Friday.

"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall," Confucius

Food-wise this week was interesting. I didn't always eat the very best but what seems to be happening right now is that I am thinking about what I'm going to eat. At lunch, I may eat a salad because I know I'm having a heartier dinner and vice versa. Before folks, well, let's just say, that my breakfast would have been cafeteria bacon, eggs and homefries; lunch would have been a sub and dinner out like pizza or pasta. Talk about a brutal body battle.

So, this week, I am most happy that:

- I thought about all the food choices I made

- our Telethon raised over $6.258 million

- I am organized and ready for my girlfriend's surprise baby shower tomorrow

- a coworker asked me if I'd lost weight

- I'm sleeping really well - soundly and through the night

Have a wonderful weekend lovies!

*hugs*

Experience.

"The best advice you'll get is from someone who has made the same mistake himself," Anonymous

We are definite creatures of habit. And habits are hard to break.

I am a pretty social person and usually that means going out for movies, drinks and food with friends. Last night I was shopping for baby shower decorations with a friend and we decided to grab a bite to eat at a local restaurant. How easy it is to just forget my journey and succumb to the fresh bread, delicious drinks, awesome appetizers and enticing entrees (I like aliteration!)

So, I did decide on a seafood jambalaya and not any of the deep fried options. I also only munched on one of the bread rolls and ordered my staple of water with a slice of lemon. I have to believe I am making better choices for myself and that this is a life-long journey so there will be temptations and not-so-wise choices along the way.

I am finding that a part of me wanted the fried food option but then I remembered how tired and yucky I feel after eating it. Part of me wanted a healthier option because I remembered that losing weight is important to me as is filling my body with good options so it doesn't feel tired and yucky.

There will be ups and downs in my journey - all I can do is make my next meal a good one.

*hugs*

Reason Wednesday.

"The man who really wants to do something finds a way; the other man makes an excuse," Anonymous

Morning kiddies!!

I have countless reasons to want to lose weight.

Today's reason is:

Rides.

I want to be able to take a long motorcycle ride with my b/f and be comfortable (well, as comfortable as one can be with a vibrating machine between your legs for hours at a time). I am a little nervous about sitting on a bike straddling him because I want him to be comfortable too.

The other rides are amusement park rides. I love them! And while I fit into the seats on roller coasters and spin-you-until-you-barf-aramas, I want to again be comfortable and not have to face the fear of embarrassment that the buckle is unable to fasten for me.

Overall, I just don't want to be embarrassed.

My weight will no longer be an embarrassment for me. I'm seeing to that!

*hugs*

Terrific Tuesday.

"Excuses fool no one but the person who makes them," Anonymous

Not gonna lie...I was preparing some excuses in my head yesterday right before my weigh-in.

Reasons why my weight would have gone up. Like I was off my regular work schedule so didn't have time to prepare my meals, or was only given unhealthy options to eat, or food aliens forced crap down my throat - that kind of stuff.

Well, folks, my weight was down. And while I was super psyched - I almost thought about saving those thought up excuses for a next time. How quickly we can revert to our old ways (with 'we' being 'me').

I did try to make good choices each and every time I ate. And in the end, it showed.

Excuses really only fool me and I don't want to fool myself anymore. I am where I am because of the choices I have made in life. Whether they be about work, relationships, family, friends and that includes food.

I am glad however that the 2 little voices inside me fighting it out for good choices are actually duking it out. What's that?? You don't hear little voices...it can't just be me!

*hugs*

Error.

"An error doesn't become a mistake until you refuse to correct it," Anonymous

Last week's posts were minimal because it was my craziest work week of the year.

We have a Radiothon and a Telethon all within a week. They were fantastic!! over 6 million dollars raised - woohoo!

In between that was also my birthday (last Friday). The cafeteria staff at the hospital all gave me a giant piece of carrot cake and my volunteers brought me cake too! So wonderfully wonderful of them...I was good however - I ate half the carrot cake and gave the cheesecake to my b/f. I was so proud of myself folks! In the past, I would have take both cakes home and probably polished them off at some point. I also did not snack on the pastries and desserts that catered food always offers.

People - I'm making really good decisions. And gosh darn it, it feels really good.

With that being said, I am also a little nervous about weigh-in tonight. I usually get weighed Sunday morning but had to work so I'm going tonight. But if I've learned one thing from reading fellow blogs, it's to just get jump back up on the wagon and make it another good day, another good week, another good month. Lifelong process, right?

I'll keep you posted with my numbers tomorrow...I know how you're just waiting on the edge of your seats. Ha!

*hugs*

Energy.

"Love the moment, and the energy of that moment will spread beyond all boundaries," Corita Kent

I had a work meeting this morning and one of the women who I deal with once a year, walked into the room as a much different woman than last year.

She was svelte, glowing, lean, happy, smiley. She had lost weight since the last time I saw her.

In our friendly banter, she informed me that she was retiring and then starting a new part-time gig. When I asked her about the new job she said that she was going to become a WW leader. How fantastic!

I shared my tale about how I just joined and am doing pretty well so far. Her kind words of encouragement were wonderful and her offer to be my 'buddy' when I feel low and at a loss was even more wonderful. Like AA only WW. Well, not like AA but really who are we kidding since food is my drug!

So, folks, I just found it was nice to have a little reminder about why I started this journey and about why I'm stickin' it to the streets.

I'd love to hit a 10 pound loss this week...so 1.5, it's war dude!!!

*hugs*

Enthusiasm.

"Love the moment, and the energy of that moment will spread beyond all boundaries," Corita Kent

Weigh day today.

Am down .5 pounds. That is a 1/2 pound I will never have on my body again. I am super duper fine with that!

While I tracked everything this week, I also ate above and beyond my points. I snacked on something almost every night (it was my period week, not that I'm making excuses but my appetite is ferocious 3 days before it comes) Too much information, right?

Anyhoo, I didn't gain and when I slipped my jeans on this morning, they buttoned really easily.

Oh yeah, 1/2 pound. Goodbye.

*hugs*

Fundamental Friday.

"Just don't give up trying what you really want to do. Where there is love and inspiration, I don't think you can go wrong," Ella Fitzgerald

Last night I was making a mental list of good things that happened this week. It's actually not that easy to come up with a list. But, here's a crack at mine for this week...

- I tracked everything I ate this week (even though I snacked a lot more than usual)

- I took work home to get a bit of a jump start

- I cooked 2 fantastic and yummy meals for me and the b/f which turned out amazing (chicken cacciatore and smothered pork chops)

- I woke up happy and with lots of energy pretty much every day

- My jeans pull on comfortably and don't leave a crease across my stomach!

Have a fantastic weekend lovelies!

*hugs*

Enjoyment.

"We could hardly wait to get up in the morning!" Wilbur and Orville Wright

I actually love this quote - it's exactly how I've been feeling lately! Don't get me wrong...it would be oh, so nice to sleep in but when I do get up and out of bed, I don't feel sluggish or bloated or heavy. Instead, I find I feel energetic and happy.

Seriously? It took me this long to figure out the secret to waking up happier not crankier. I've been missing out.

Do any of you have mental tips and tricks to help you through the day or week?

One of my favourites is thinking about the upcoming events I have in my life (both short-term and long-term). Short-term would be this week and long-term would be in a few months kinda thing.

For instance, this week my short-term goals are a board meeting, a sponsor meeting and a brunch. I have these 3 things posted in my agenda and on my computer screen. That way when I find myself craving peanut butter cups, I look at the list and see that I need to make a good impression at my meetings and wow my friends at brunch and I kick the craving. So far this has been working. Setting small goals. Again, who knew? Ha!

*hugs*

Reason Wednesday.

"Why not learn to enjoy the little things? There are so many of them," Anonymous

Or, in other words, don't sweat the small stuff??

Well my friends, today's reason I want to lose weight definitely has to do with some big stuff.

Sweat.

I have always been a 'sweat'er - then again, I've always been pleasantly plump. However, I have noticed an increase in the sweat I'm producing the heavier I get. That can't be a coincidence, right?

more fat = more sweat (and if you are one of those people who doesn't ever sweat, CURSE YOU *shaking my fists in the air*) Not really. But really.

Oh yeah - and I'm talking about everyday sweat...not gym sweat. I actually love gym sweat. I like sauna sweat too. I hate the trying-to-get-ready-in-the-morning-and-we-don't-have-A/C-and-it's-30-degrees-by-8-am-and-I'm-sweating-after-washing-my-face sweat.

*hugs*

Mighty Mondays.

"A few words of encouragement can sometimes tip the scales between another's failure or success," Anonymous

Well, kiddies...I sure did tip the scales this week!

See my grin - I lost 3.5 lbs! Bringing my total to 8!!

Now I know my numbers won't always be this high but it's a great kick-start to weight loss for me and it's really forcing me to see that I was eating a lot of crap. Because I'm still eating a lot of food but it's yummy and good stuff.

We Canucks had a long weekend this past weekend and I found myself making good choices each time I ate. I had a vanilla ice cream cone one afternoon and then skipped the ice cream cake that night. I had a baked potato for dinner one night and then ordered rice the day after at my next meal. And these choices are coming easier and easier to me...

It's going to be a great week! If only work didn't get in the way... Ha!

*hugs*

Fundamental Fridays.

"My will shall shape my future. Whether I fail or succeed shall be no man's doing but my own...My choice; my responsibility; win or lose, only I hold the key to my destiny," Elaine Maxwell

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls...

Here's another installment of Fundamental Fridays.

A post about the good things that happened this week. No bad allowed here. None.

Without further ado...

- I didn't snack on timbits or chocolate croissants at any of my meetings this week because I truly did not want them.

- I packed my breakfast and lunch everyday this week for work.

- I tracked everything - even when I did not want to acknowledge one particular day of yucky eating.

- I gave myself a manicure.

- I took naps after work to help speed up my healing process (so I don't get even more sick).

Yay me!

Have a lovely weekend - it's a long one for me!!

*hugs*

Effort.

"Whatever is worth doing is worth doing well," Lord Chesterfield

I caved. Totally.

I have been feeling quite under the weather lately and my b/f made us soup and sandwiches for supper. Perfect. Light. Healthy. I was within all my points and everything for the day.

Yesterday was also bbq day which meant hamburger, bun, snack-size chips and cookies. AND, we had a bridal shower for a coworker which meant cake. I was still within all my points because I made good portion size choices.

I get home last night, late, and KFC is sitting on the kitchen counter. My brains and logic completely shut down. I went straight for it and put my piece of chicken, fries and macaroni salad on my plate - then proceeded to watch Criminal Minds (really good episode by the way!)

WTF?? WTH?? Seriously?? Seriously.

I'm not going to dwell on this lil' mishap but it worried me for a bit that I did it so automatically. I didn't even think about if I was still hungry (which I was); that I had already eaten (which I had); that it was super unhealthy for me regardless (which I know). Annoying.

I don't think it will hurt me on Sunday's scale but it worries me a bit becasue all my other days so far have been full point days too. I made really good choices today and plan on doing that for 2 more days. Sunday will be a good day no matter what. This pledge to myself is more than just a week. It's a lifetime. The Colonel is bound to appear in my life again - I will be more prepared next time he shows up though...on-guard!

*hugs*

Reason Wednesday.

"The primary purpose of a liberal education is to make one's mind a pleasant place in which to spend one's leisure," Sydney J. Harris

My Friday blogs are all about the good things that happened to me through the week. We harp on ourselves so much for all the things that go wrong in our lives, we should also celebrate all the good things - because, there truly are many!

My Wednesday blogs are going to be about reasons I want to lose weight. In a previous post, I made a list of 25 reasons I wanted to lose weight (I borrowed it from another blog). As my reasons are many, I'll post them mid-week to help me get over the hump of journaling, eating, exercising, being obsessed with weight loss.

So, without further ado, my reason for this Wednesday is:

Belts.

I have a new-found love for belts. I would love to wear more belts. I want to wear belts without that mangy back-fat hanging over the belt.

*hugs*

Dreams.

"It seems to me we can never give up longing and wishing while we are thoroughly alive. There are certain things we feel to be beautiful and good, and we must hunger after them," George Eliot

I never would have dreamt that I'd be so heavy at this point in my life.

I can remember the time I started to really be conscious of my weight and would weigh myself everyday. It was in my 20's - when I began my first serious relationship. Ever since then I've hovered around the same weight but never crossed the 200 threshold. Then, one day, (I make it sound so miraculous but obviously it was done in well over a day) I was beyond 200. I didn't even see those middle numbers.

I sometimes blame my office job a little for this problem. Ultimately, my desk did not make me order a Starbucks mocha; my computer did not make me buy my unhealthy cafeteria lunch because I was too lazy to make something from home; my telephone did not make me snack unnecessarily because I was too tired to begin a new task. Blame can only go so far. Most of it has to lie with me.

I went out dancing on the weekend with some friends. I had a great time and felt like I looked great when I left the house Saturday night. I just saw some pictures now of that evening and do not like what I see in them. But...I only let that sad feeling stay with me for an instant. Instead the thoughts in my mind started to say "you won't ever look that way again".

I never would have dreamed that I can change the way that I think. And it came so instantaneously. Yay me!

*hugs*

Disappointment. Not.

"Nothing worthwhile is achieved without patience, labour and disappointment," Anonymous

I had a loss at my first weigh-in! Hooray! Major.

Which really may mean I was eating a lot of crap. I know I was and I also know that the week before I signed up for WW, I kinda may have sorta probably binged a little a lot huge on crappy food.

Either way - I was super psyched! And what was more exciting for me was that I felt so good. I have energy, no bloating, more pep. Those physical and internal changes mean so much to me. Almost more than the loss. And I am forcing myself to make good choices when I eat and when I snack and when I am bored.

I put on a pair of jeans over the weekend that in the last few weeks have created a muffin-top for me. This time when I took them off at the end of the day, there were no crease marks! Bonus.

All the little things add up and this is the momentum with which I am heading into this week. I can see myself getting out of the 230's soon and I can't wait. Getting out of the 200's will mean I won't know what to do with myself. Ha!

*hugs*

Fundamental Fridays.

"Nothing is easy to the unwilling," Thomas Fuller

Sexy title...I know. Try to control yourselves.

My blog on Fridays will be mini-celebrations about what went well this week. It may be about weight loss, relationships, personal moments. Anything. After a long week, everyone needs to look forward to the weekend and no matter how bad the week may have been - look forward to the next day.

So, without further ado, my fundamentals for this week:

- I tracked everything I ate this week. Everything. Good and not-so-good.

- After months of saying I wanted to visit our new War Museum, I went. It's gorgeous!

- I woke up at 5:30 am everyday this week and instead of dwelling on my lack of sleep, found a positive inner energy and didn't complain about being tired once (and I truly wasn't).

- I cleaned my work desk. Huge accomplishment. The paperwork on it was making me feel overwhelmed.

Have a fantastic weekend kids!

Wish me luck at weigh-in this week :)

*hugs*

Difficulties.

"Tackle any difficulty at first sight because the longer you leave it the larger it grows," Anonymous

Obviously the difficulty I am tackling is my weight...I have left it too long and it has grown large.

Do you remember the moment you realized you were too fat? Or fat enough that you wanted to make a change?

I've been reading on so many blogs that a lot of people seemed to have some kind of epiphany. Like a - Hallelujah - I'll be losing weight today - kinda deal. And then proceed to lose it and live happier than they've ever known!

I haven't really had that. I do want to lose weight though and am taking the necessary steps to do it. But, I don't want the small little voice in my head that nags me about not having a hallelujah moment to mute out the other voice that is working hard at making weight loss happen.

There doesn't have to be a voice, right? Maybe my big moment is comprised of a thousand little moments over the span of my lifetime so far...that's sorta what I believe.

What do you believe? Is there indeed some magical moment? Some feverful feeling? Some exhorbant energy?

*hugs*

Curiousity.

"Curiousity will conquer fear even more than bravery will," James Stephens

I am a curious person by nature.

I ask a ton of questions until I feel that I have gotten all the information and even then can usually find a few more to ask.

I am mostly curious, especially right now, about my outcome with weight loss. What I am going to look like? Will I ever make it to the end? Will I be happy with what happens at the end of my journey? Will I keep it up?

I fantasize, as I'm sure most of you do, about what I'm going to look like and all the fabulous things I'll be doing as a result of being thinner. Thing is, I try to do many fabulous things now too. I try not to let weight slow me down but there are times when I am embarrassed and fear I won't be able to do something.

A present example is zip-lining. I am SO PSYCHED to try this! However, I am also SO SCARED that I will be too heavy for the line and not be able to do it. I am SO NERVOUS that I will go with my friends and in the end, won't be able to take part. Sorry ma'am. The line will break with you on it. (Actually, that's really severe - I don't really believe anyone would say that lol) But, that feeling inside is still there...

So, one of my goals and reasons I want to lose weight is to be able to zip-line this summer. Be able to go to an amusement park and feel comfortable in the seats so I can ride the rollercoaster. Be able to white water raft and pull myself back into the boat instead of 3 men trying to hoist me in.

I'm most curious about how exhilarating it will be when all those dreams come true.

Imagine...

*hugs*

Excellent.

"A true critic ought to dwell upon excellencies rather than imperfections," Joseph Addison

I feel fantastic!

I feel different...and it's only Day 3.

I don't have that little bloated pouch of pooch because the fibre I'm intaking is helping to get the yucky stuff to leave my body (that's the most eloquent way I can put that I am pooping correctly) Ha!

I have slept soundly through the night the past 3 nights (my lack of sleep is not due to any extra-curricular activities either) Boo!

I am full of energy and have been told I have a pep in my step (to help me sort through the paper jungle that is my desk at the moment) Yay!

weight loss....oh, how I love thee....

*hugs*

Criticism.

"Don't find fault. Find a remedy," Henry Ford

That's me.

With my Weight Watchers week 1 book in hand.

I had mentioned that I was going to start it again but do it on my own.

Well, I have since realized that I need some help and spending the money would do me a world of good. Better than any latté or hamburger and large fries could ever do.

I have realized that atleast for the beginning of my life-long journey, I need to be held accountable. Weekly weigh-ins will help me with that. I also told my b/f who is hugely (no pun intended) supportive of me. I know that he loves me and is attracted to me just the way I am. Thing is, I need to feel better about me and he totally gets it. It's why I love him so.

So, I will now also be accountable to you. Yay!

*hugs*

Courage.

"I wanted you to see what real courage is...it's when you know you're licked before you begin but you begin anyway and you see it through no matter what," Harper Lee

I often wonder if I am afraid of what will happen when all the weight has come off? What will I do then? I'm smart enough to know all my problems won't be solved by being thinner. I guess we all do hope that though - don't we?

We hope we will find the love that has eluded us.

We hope we will be bright and bubbly and beautiful.

Thing is, I have already found the love. I already think I am bright and bubbly and beautiful.

I need to lose the weight to make me a better version of who I already am. It's so I will be healthy and live longer than I might otherwise. It's so I can wake up every morning from hereonin and be glad to wake up and happy to be in the body I am.

All of that is coming my way. I can already feel it. It's happening.

*hugs*

Reasons.

"I am not afraid of storms for I am learning to sail my ship," Louisa May Alcott

I found this on a blog (Skinny Me)...and borrowed it. It is a list of 25 reasons why you want to lose weight. It's delightful and fun. And true.

Here is my list of 25 reasons I want to lose weight.

Have always wanted to lose weight.

Am losing weight....

1. I want my health to be good.
2. I want to live well into my 90's.
3. I want to be gorgeous and be hot and feel like the sexy friend.

4. I want to have complete confidence in the way I see my body.
5. I want to finally enjoy summer and not sweat excessively at the mere rise of a degree.
6. I want my family to not make fun of me for being overweight.
7. I want to weigh less than my boyfriend/husband.
8. I don't want to be the 'fat friend'.
9. I don't want to be afraid of seeing people from the past and fear the thoughts in their head about how I look.
10. I don't want to be winded from walking up a flight of stairs or the mall escalator when it breaks down.
11. I want to love shopping for clothes and wear trends that don't come in my size.
12. I want to learn and love to cook fantastic meals.
13. I want to have amazing self-esteem.
14. I don't want to keep nagging at myself to lose weight.
15. I want to feel strong and toned.
16. I want to feel in control of my food choices and health habits.
17. I want to look amazing on my wedding day.
18. I want to prevent diabetes since it runs on both sides of my family.
19. I don't want getting older to mean letting myself go by staying overweight.
20. I want to be able to borrow my friend's clothes.
21. I want to be the posh aunt/friend/coworker who looks amazingly chic in her old age.

22. I want to reach my goal at Weight Watchers.
23. I want to run a 5K and not be embarrased about the possibility of not finishing the race.
24. I want to be a good example of healthy living for other people in my life.
25. I want jerky ex-bfs to kick himselves when they see me.

(Note: I kept a few of Skinny Me's 'wants' because I felt the exact same way...)

*double hugs*