Reason Wednesday

"Forgiveness is the key to action and freedom," Hannah Arendt

It has been a bit of a hard week. I credit this blog for helping me stay positive and in focus.

I know I can be honest because while we know each other, we don't know each other...know what I mean? It's easy to just write it out into cyberland. Cyberland doesn't talk back. Ha!

So, as the week progresses and tomorrow is Canada Day - I am in a great mood! I have an extra long weekend because I took Friday off.

Dear lovies...today I want to lose weight because of:

People.

I will be meeting my b/f's very large family at a family reunion this weekend. This will be the first time I will be meeting most of these people (outside of his immediate family members who I have already met) and this brings me to the topic of wanting to look good for when I meet and see people.

This includes people I've known forever, people I just meet, people I bump into that I don't like, old high school peeps - the world in general.

I want to leave an impression of holy hotness batman!

And yes, I am aware there is more to a person that looks - but truly can you see personality from across a room? And even though I'm not looking to find the man of my dreams (because I have found him) I am still wanting people to look at me and think good things. Then when I cross the room I can blind them with my flashing personality!

Watch out reunion - this greek girl is ready for ya!! Hope you're ready for her!

*hugs*

Silly.

"If people didn't sometimes do silly things, nothing intelligent would ever get done," Ludwig Wittgenstein

I once (actually a few times) went to see a spiritual consultant (psychic) highly recommended by a friend (I was very curious).

She told me lots of things about myself that were right on track and even a few things about where my path is going. She couldn't see the final destination but could see the direction.

There were 2 things she said that I found interesting:

1.) That I would get younger the older I became. Which means playing and being silly and having fun would become very important parts of my life as I grew. Why I find this intriguing is because all my life - being the eldest child - has proven to come with major responsibility and usually means putting myself last (or definitely not first). As I'm maturing (Ha!) I am finding that I want to do all the fun stuff I never got to do as a kid or as a teen or as a young adult. My family seems to be having a hard time coming to terms with 'me' putting 'me' first. But, I can't worry about that (even though I still do).

2.) That my weight is an issue for me. Now, you may be thinking that she could see that since I'm larger and obvious but it's what she said afterwards that's important. She said that I'm thinking of losing weight (this was right before re-joining WW) but that I am fabulous just the way I am. That if I never lost one pound of where I was at it wouldn't matter because I already think that I'm fantastic. And the thing is, I honestly do think I'm pretty awesome.

Vain alert!

But what she said resonated with me because while I am on a mission to lose weight for my health and let's be honest here, to look better, there is a part of me that truly druly ruly likes who I already am.

So, for all you lovelies out there today - I hope you can take a moment to be silly and truly druly ruly enjoy who you are!

*hugs*

Foolishness.

"The greatest lesson in life is to know that even fools are right sometimes," Winston Churchill

It had been 2 weeks but I went to get weighed yesterday.

I was up 2.5 lbs. You know what? I was so proud of myself :)

I was happy because I bit the bullet and went to get weighed even though I had a fear it would be up. I was happy because it was only 2.5 lbs in a 2 week period after so many work and personal events. I was happy because I did not beat myself up over the gain - instead I gave myself a little pep talk before and after weigh-in so that I would be ok with whatever the outcome is.

You know what else? I'm always worried the women who weigh me in will judge me for my gain. How crazy is that, eh? I don't know these women from Adam. We don't run in the same social circles. We don't even really chat with each other. Yet - part of my fear of going to WW yesterday was what will the weigh-in lady think of me. Seriously. Who knew weight loss was so much of a journey - not only about food but of myself as well.

Happy Monday!!

Here's to an amazing week (and a 2.5 lb loss!)

*hugs*

Reason Wednesday.

"It is not death that a man should fear, but he should fear never beginning to live," Marcus Aurelius

Weight or no weight, I am not waiting to live my life.

I love my life. I love the people in it. I love how I choose to be in the moment each and every day of it.

My reason today for wanting to lose weight:

Bathing suits.

Yup. That dreaded summer time horror show. How can such little material cause such huge anguish??

Thing is, I still wear mine. One of my best friends has a pool and I'll be damned if I'm going to sit on the sidelines dipping my toes in the shallow end all because I don't want to be seen in a swimsuit.

Now, please don't get me wrong...I don't want to be seen in a swimsuit Ha! But I hate the alternative more. When I'm 86 years old and I wonder about things I did when I was younger - I do not want to look back and say I should have swam more but was too self-conscious about being in my bathing suit. I will be mad at my 32 year old self when I'm 86 and I don't want to live a life of regrets.

So, folks, while I won't be posting any pics of my lovely curves in the most minimal of clothing choices, I want you to know that I will indeed be sporting a lil' somethin' to the pool this summer.

*hugs*

Fear.

"Fear is a question. What are you afraid of and why? Our fears are a treasure house of self knowledge if we explore them," Marilyn French

I think I've mentioned this before but I have some fears sometimes about what happens after I've lost all the weight I want to lose.

Will I be more beautiful? Will I be more liked? Will I be more successful? Will I...Will I...Will I...

The fear that nothing will change in my life is an honest one. I don't, however, think it's a valid one. The weight loss journey I am undertaking has already changed some of the ways I look at things I do. Everyone says it's a lifestyle change - and it is. I make better choices throughout the day about what I'm going to eat - I plan for when I know I'll be eating out - I take the stairs instead of the elevator.

One of my biggest fears though is how my friends and people around me will treat me. Will they treat me better and nicer and be kinder and more friendly when I'm thinner?? And why will they? It's not right, right? I hope to pretty much be the same person - only I know I will be a bit of a changed person. How can someone not change after losing weight. The success of setting a goal in motion and then succeeding at that goal has to change a person. I only can hope that my friends and family will show me just as much love and support 100 lbs from now as they do on this very day.

(this is a 2:00 a.m. run after a fantastic night of not-so-good behaviour)

To conquer.

"I believe anyone can conquer fear by doing the things he fears to do, provided he keeps doing them until he gets a record of successful experiences behind him," Eleanor Roosevelt

I had a fantastic weekend - so fabulous in fact, that I did not get weighed. Pretty much because I was going off of 2 hours sleep and my stomach was not agreeing with me Sunday morning.

Alas, I weighed myself on a home scale and the numbers seemed ok to me. I am tracking and have a positive mind-set about this week and where I will be come Sunday at my next weigh-in.

My little goals this week include a work event on Saturday and Canada Day festivities next week. I want to look super good for the b/f's family that I'm meeting over the long weekend so these are the goals in my head and my heart.

How were your weekends? I had great food, delicious drinks and a wonderful time with friends. The entire time I was happy and laughing and not worrying about food (all the while making good choices). How about that!

*hugs*

Fundamental Friday.

"The greatest fault is to be conscious of none,' Thomas Carlyle

I do have a tendency to put my head in the sand.

I am also a closet eater. And a gold-card carrying member of the clean your plate club.

I am conscious of these faults and I am working on them - every day.

Today, I am not going to ramble off any faults - only good things as always on a Friday.

- I tried to deal with personal issues before they got out of control.

- I went shopping and bought myself a few (too many) cute things.

- I got my Smart Serve card.

- I got to bed early and slept soundly through the night.

- I got right back onto tracking as soon as I stopped.

What were your good Friday notes?

Hope you all have a wonderful weekend!!

*hugs*

Faith.

"Yes, I have doubted. I have wandered off the path. I have been lost. But I always returned." Helen Hayes

I have wandered and doubted this week. I have also returned to make it better.

The difference before is that I just kept wandering...I just kept eating a donut with my breakfast bagel. I just kept sitting inside on a gorgeous sunny day. I just kept not caring about my body and my health and me.

I am actually not stressing about my weigh-in on Sunday. Even if I gain. Even if I gain.

I love waking up in the morning and not feeling grogy. I love choosing the clothes I'm going to wear and not have a muffin top sneaking out from under my jeans. I love that my skin is soft and clear because of the seas of water I've been gulping down. A donut is soo not worth trading for these victories.

Do you ever stray? How do you return?

*hugs*

Reason Wednesday.

"I pray hard, work hard and leave the rest to God," Florence Griffith Joyner

And you know what, if it's good enough for Florence, it's good enough for me.

My reason to lose weight on this wonderful Wednesday is:

Me.

Simply.

Because I deserve to be happy. To relish being in my own skin. To not want to wish I was a different version of myself. Because I am the best version of myself right now.

I'm just helping perfection along a little bit :)

*hugs*

Failure.

"There is no failure except in not trying," Elbert Hubbard

I almost didn't blog today. It's because I skipped my weigh-in yesterday. I was tired. I was hungry. I wanted to spend time with my b/f. I was also nervous about what the scale would say.

I didn't have the mental strength yesterday to beat myself up for not going and I don't want to do that to myself today either. Instead, I turn to my blog and to all of you. I am accountable for my actions and in the end, I'm just hurting myself by not going or by giving up. (Important to note: I am not giving up!)

I don't believe in quick fixes but believe you me, there are days I wish it was possible. A little pill to shed away all those imperfections. A magic potion to swallow away excess pounds. But what would I have learned that way? I need to work hard to get this weight off. It's a mental and a physical challenge and journey.

While at dinner with the b/f last night, we ordered our entrees and I flipped through the dessert menu. I made mention that we should get something to go since we'd be too full to eat it at the restaurant but could have it later while watching a movie. He made some comment about how his grandmother used to always leave food on her plate so she could make room for dessert. I said that was a good idea. He said why order dessert when you're full. I said she probably left food on her plate so she wouldn't be full and could comfortably and guiltlessly enjoy some dessert too. He then said it's no wonder people are overweight when they eat even after they are full.

This last comment struck a major chord with me and I was very upset with his comment. Indirectly I felt it was aimed at me - it honestly wasn't. He was just talking about his grandmother being large and mainly because she constantly ate her way through life. All the way home I was quiet with him and seethed inside. The worst part is that I knew none of his comments were aimed at me. He loves me, adores me and thinks I'm perfect. Seriously. He supports me with WW because it's something I want to do for myself to feel good. He thinks I look fabulous all the time.

When I told him that his comment really bothered me, I thought he was going to start to cry over how upset he thought he had made me. He started telling me how I'm ridiculous if I ever thought anything other than how wonderful he thinks I am. Exactly as I am.

Moral of this story - go get weighed. Ha!

*hugs*

Lifting.

"My downfall raises me to great heights," Napoleon Bonaparte

I really like this quote today.

For the past 24 hours I have felt very down, sad and a bit melancholic. I'm not entirely sure why. There are times I just get this way - though I do attribute some of it to being overworked and extremely exhausted. The last few months have been insanely busy with work and life. I think it may finally be catching up with me seeing as our last big work event is next weekend and then we have a month to recover.

Napoleon's words appeal to me because I am determined to rise above any sadness and that includes bad thoughts. Being in a bad place definitely brings me to a place where I want to curl up on the couch and surround myself with fast and easy food. Fast and easy food is usually synonymous with unhealthy (in my books).

If these feelings happened to me even a year ago, I would do just that. Take some time for myself and eat my sorrow in fried food. All that does though is make me feel even worse in the end. Lately I'm coming to the conclusion that the best part about feeling this way is that a little voice in my head is screaming that I don't want to feel this way and that I am capable of feeling so much more - in fact, even turning my frown upside down.

So...I allow myself to be down in the dumps. Yesterday. Today, I filled my water bottle, I took my multi-vitamin, I tracked my food for today, I wrote in my blog.

Do you ever get just down in the dumps? How do you get yourself out of it?

*hugs*

Fundamental Friday.

"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall," Confucius

Food-wise this week was interesting. I didn't always eat the very best but what seems to be happening right now is that I am thinking about what I'm going to eat. At lunch, I may eat a salad because I know I'm having a heartier dinner and vice versa. Before folks, well, let's just say, that my breakfast would have been cafeteria bacon, eggs and homefries; lunch would have been a sub and dinner out like pizza or pasta. Talk about a brutal body battle.

So, this week, I am most happy that:

- I thought about all the food choices I made

- our Telethon raised over $6.258 million

- I am organized and ready for my girlfriend's surprise baby shower tomorrow

- a coworker asked me if I'd lost weight

- I'm sleeping really well - soundly and through the night

Have a wonderful weekend lovies!

*hugs*

Experience.

"The best advice you'll get is from someone who has made the same mistake himself," Anonymous

We are definite creatures of habit. And habits are hard to break.

I am a pretty social person and usually that means going out for movies, drinks and food with friends. Last night I was shopping for baby shower decorations with a friend and we decided to grab a bite to eat at a local restaurant. How easy it is to just forget my journey and succumb to the fresh bread, delicious drinks, awesome appetizers and enticing entrees (I like aliteration!)

So, I did decide on a seafood jambalaya and not any of the deep fried options. I also only munched on one of the bread rolls and ordered my staple of water with a slice of lemon. I have to believe I am making better choices for myself and that this is a life-long journey so there will be temptations and not-so-wise choices along the way.

I am finding that a part of me wanted the fried food option but then I remembered how tired and yucky I feel after eating it. Part of me wanted a healthier option because I remembered that losing weight is important to me as is filling my body with good options so it doesn't feel tired and yucky.

There will be ups and downs in my journey - all I can do is make my next meal a good one.

*hugs*

Reason Wednesday.

"The man who really wants to do something finds a way; the other man makes an excuse," Anonymous

Morning kiddies!!

I have countless reasons to want to lose weight.

Today's reason is:

Rides.

I want to be able to take a long motorcycle ride with my b/f and be comfortable (well, as comfortable as one can be with a vibrating machine between your legs for hours at a time). I am a little nervous about sitting on a bike straddling him because I want him to be comfortable too.

The other rides are amusement park rides. I love them! And while I fit into the seats on roller coasters and spin-you-until-you-barf-aramas, I want to again be comfortable and not have to face the fear of embarrassment that the buckle is unable to fasten for me.

Overall, I just don't want to be embarrassed.

My weight will no longer be an embarrassment for me. I'm seeing to that!

*hugs*

Terrific Tuesday.

"Excuses fool no one but the person who makes them," Anonymous

Not gonna lie...I was preparing some excuses in my head yesterday right before my weigh-in.

Reasons why my weight would have gone up. Like I was off my regular work schedule so didn't have time to prepare my meals, or was only given unhealthy options to eat, or food aliens forced crap down my throat - that kind of stuff.

Well, folks, my weight was down. And while I was super psyched - I almost thought about saving those thought up excuses for a next time. How quickly we can revert to our old ways (with 'we' being 'me').

I did try to make good choices each and every time I ate. And in the end, it showed.

Excuses really only fool me and I don't want to fool myself anymore. I am where I am because of the choices I have made in life. Whether they be about work, relationships, family, friends and that includes food.

I am glad however that the 2 little voices inside me fighting it out for good choices are actually duking it out. What's that?? You don't hear little voices...it can't just be me!

*hugs*

Error.

"An error doesn't become a mistake until you refuse to correct it," Anonymous

Last week's posts were minimal because it was my craziest work week of the year.

We have a Radiothon and a Telethon all within a week. They were fantastic!! over 6 million dollars raised - woohoo!

In between that was also my birthday (last Friday). The cafeteria staff at the hospital all gave me a giant piece of carrot cake and my volunteers brought me cake too! So wonderfully wonderful of them...I was good however - I ate half the carrot cake and gave the cheesecake to my b/f. I was so proud of myself folks! In the past, I would have take both cakes home and probably polished them off at some point. I also did not snack on the pastries and desserts that catered food always offers.

People - I'm making really good decisions. And gosh darn it, it feels really good.

With that being said, I am also a little nervous about weigh-in tonight. I usually get weighed Sunday morning but had to work so I'm going tonight. But if I've learned one thing from reading fellow blogs, it's to just get jump back up on the wagon and make it another good day, another good week, another good month. Lifelong process, right?

I'll keep you posted with my numbers tomorrow...I know how you're just waiting on the edge of your seats. Ha!

*hugs*