Reason Wednesday

"Cultivate only the habits that you are willing should master you," Elbert Hubbard

Good day mates!!

Surprise, surprise, surprise. It's what you're saying to yourselves, right?

She's back again with a post about how she misses us, how she wants to blog, how she is disappointed in herself. Well, folks - she's sick of it too.

To keep this one short and sweet - I have rejoined Weight Watchers. I am not making any promises to myself except to really try; to really give it a-go; to really do my best.

I have my best friend's engagement party this year, her wedding next year, maybe a wedding of my own in the next couple of years - and more than wanting to be thin for those purposes - I want to be less fat for my own. I want to feel proud of my body, my clothes and be sexy to my boyfriend.

So - for all those reasons....and infinite more, I am back.

*hugs*

Reason Wednesday

"Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be," Abraham Lincoln

My reason on this day,

Why it's ME of course - hooray!

No one can help me do it,

I've got to put my mind into it.

Happiness is what happiness does,

And happiness is what happiness was.

My journey is far from its end,

My heart, soul and spirit are on the mend.

Que sera sera they say,

And on this very important day...

I've decided to make it ME.

It's the only way to be.

*hugs*

Guilt

"There's no point in being crippled by guilt. Simply acknowledge to yourself that you have done something wrong, learn by it, and get on with the rest of your life" - Anonymous


I am acknowledging feeling guilty. Not only about not blogging but about not taking care of myself.

I am acknowledging feeling tired. Not only because I seem to be dragging myself around anything I do, but because I am not taking care of myself.

I am acknowledging feeling fat. Because I am. I am not taking care of myself.

I was in New York City last weekend. It's my favourite place in the world. I went with my wonderful boyfriend and another fabulous couple. We had an amazing time. Then he posted the pictures we took. I instantly hate who the person I see when I see me. Now please, this isn't some half-hearted plea of 'whoa is me' business. I hate people feeling bad for me. Don't feel bad for me. I have put this weight on all by myself. I carry it around on my shoulders. I keep waiting for some epiphany to jump-start my weight loss and take me to the promise land.

Deep down inside, you know that little voice that is speaking to the true you - it keeps telling me that only I can bring myself to like myself. Only I can bring myself to care about me. Only I can lose this weight. For me. To like myself in pictures. To like myself.

This picture is going to feed my guilt. It will feed my wants and desires to just be a better me.

I love you Me in that picture. But I don't want to be you anymore.


*hugs*

Growth

"Women are always being tested...but ultimately, each of us has to define who we are individually and then do the very best job we can to grow into that," Hilary Clinton

I was supposed to be thinner by now.

I was supposed to be going to the gym atleast 4 times a week.

I was supposed to be tracking points and making healthy and worthful food choices.

I was supposed to care enough about myself to want to make changes.

I was supposed to use the inspiration I find when reading your blogs and apply it to myself.

I was supposed to be accountable to myself.

I was supposed to feel sexier and less self-conscious.

I was supposed to be able to climb a set of stairs and not be winded.

I was supposed to fit into clothes that are sitting in my closet waiting to be worn.

What the heck happened?

*hugs*

Reason Wednesday.

"Greatness lies not only in being strong, but in the right use of strength," Henry Ward Beecher

Beautiful bloggers - how I have missed you so.

I have also missed me so too.

You would be so disappointed in me if you only knew...

...how lazy I have become.

...how HORRIBLY I have been eating.

...how glutunous I am.

...how unmotivated I was.

I'm back because of yesterday.

I was at work and had a meeting. I wore a black business suit with a white blouse underneath.

I have never felt so uncomfortable in my entire life.

Friends, I am going to be honest in that, I seriously had trouble breathing. I was sitting at my desk and could not believe that I was that person. The person who has perhaps eaten way too much in the last few weeks. The person that needs new clothes because her old ones don't fit her anymore - all of her own doing.

I have hit the bottom. That has to be the bottom the way I was feeling yesterday.

I weighed myself when I went to my b/f's house last night as well and I am up. Big time.

I don't know why I keep thinking the weight is going to come off - just like that. Snap of the finger. Clap of the hand.

Why am I so disillusioned about this?

Frankly, I'm lazy. And I hate to say that people who are overweight are lazy - I am speaking specifically about MY case. I have been lazy.

I am working on figuring this thing out one hour at a time, one day at a time.

I am back reading and following your successes and mistrials. I need to be motivated and you do it for me. Big time.

Thank you.

*hugs*

Fundamental Friday

"A man generally has the good or ill qualities he attributes to mankind," William Shenstone

It has been quite a whacky week where I am kids.

Two super good friends (a married couple) have called it quits. We also all work together. Needless to say, it's been an interesting ride the last few days - judgements and stories and rumours flying rampant.

All of this makes me happy it's Friday. End of week day. Start of weekend day.

I am super stoked about sharing my non-weight related happiness with you all today.

I went to the gym yesterday AND brought my clothes to go to the gym today after work too.

We got a call from the new gym we signed up for and it now won't be opening until October. One of my coworkers invited me to go with her so I did. And I LOVE IT! I actually do really like working out. It's the repetition I don't like - I'm a Gemini so we are supposed to get bored easily.

I am so proud of myself.

I read Sean's little creed to myself (check back a post or two to see what I'm talking about) and gosh darn it people - it is a ringing bell to my ears.

You know like Hallelujah! Hallelujah! (well, atleast I can hear the song in my head!) Ha!

I will leave you with a little paragraph I found while looking for my quote today. I think it's a good little test about ourselves (not that I'm leaving you with homework before the weekend).

Think of someone you admire very much. Write down a list of the things you admire most about this person. You have just listed your own good points! Read them through carefully, and give yourself credit for having these fine qualities.

Enjoy every moment of every day for yourselves.

*hugs*

Reason Wednesday

"Set your sights high, the higher the better. Expect the most wonderful things to happen, not in the future but right now. Realise that nothing is too good. Allow absolutely nothing to hamper you or hold you up in any way," Eileen Caddy

Hi there kitty kats!

This past weekend has been a good one for me in terms of realigning my goals and what I want in life - both within weight loss and outside of it too.

I just finished reading a comment that Sean of Daily Diary of a Winning Loser wrote on Kenz's All the Weigh most recent posting.

These words hit me so hard. Like bricks people. You all know by now that I love motivational stuff and I took some pieces out of his comment and have created a little sheet for me to read every day. I made a copy for my house, my purse and my work.

This is what I captured from the comment:

I have made an iron clad decision to change regardless of the circumstances or emotions of the day. Ultimately, if I am successful or not - it will not be because I chose calories or points, it will be because I made that unwavering decision to be consistent in my efforts. It will be because I decided to become really honest with myself about my relationship with food and exercise. It will be because I decided to make this time different than any other attempt - steamrolling excuses or rationalizations that try to give me an easy exit to my old behaviours. Can I just say - I am amazing in so many wonderful ways.

You see my lovelies - every single one of those words has touched my heart. Has penetrated my brain (has anyone seen Inception?? Amaze.)

I hope that whatever motivates each and every one of you on your journey, you keep close at hand to be a reminder of how amazing you all are and what you can accomplish once you put your mind to it.

Do it to it!

*hugs*