Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Reason Wednesday

"Imagination is the beginning of creation.  You imagine what you desire, you will what you imagine and at last you create what you will,"
George Bernard Shaw
Let's recap, shall we...
Every Wednesday I state a reason I want to lose weight (and keep it off) but first thing's first...
So, it's Halloween today.
I have never liked Halloween.
If I dig down deep enough into the back of my brain, a huge part of why I don't really like it would be because all my girlfriends would wear cute, sexy, short, barely there costumes. I didn't. Felt like I couldn't. Hence, just started hating Halloween.
One year I went as a sexy schoolgirl - even then I wore thick black tights and was more covered up than the rest of the people around but atleast I felt as though I fit in a bit.
One other year - and the most recent one not too long ago - a group decided to go out for Halloween to a bar and we were all dressing up. I was the Evil Queen from Snow White. Borrowed the outfit from a friend. It truly was the coolest outfit - my makeup was impeccable. However, the costume covered me up entirely. And I didn't feel one bit self-conscious until we actually went to the bar. Not only was I the most covered person there but also within our group of friends. And so while every guy there hit on my naughty nurse sister, my GI Jane best friend, my lusty ladybug neighbour - no one, NO ONE took a second glance at the Evil Queen.  Correction - at one point a wingman was sent to me so a guy could hit on one of my girlfriends. I excused myself and went to the bathroom where I got into the last stall and cried for about 20 minutes.  Wow. I have never told anyone that story and even now it makes me tear up. I know my gal pals came to look for me and I did a good job of hiding out for awhile and then just came out. There was no use in hiding since we'd be staying at the bar for some time.
I doubt I'll ever really get dressed up for Halloween again - and if so, the time has passed for the sexy French Maid (outside of the bedroom) but my reason today, on October 31, is to lose weight for that bar-hopping, fun girl in her 20's who never had the guts to be sexy for Halloween.
Hope yours is scary good fun!

Tuesday, October 30, 2012


"A belief is not merely an idea the mind possesses, it is an idea that possesses the mind,"
Robert Bolton
I believe that the life I've always envisioned living is actually within my reach.
I believe that the weight I've always envisioned being is actually attainable.
I believe that love really does solve most problems.
I believe that I will fit back into the gorgeous clothes I purchased over the summer.
I believe I will be a gorgeous and glamorous bride.
I believe that I can will myself to happiness and then actually practice what I preach.
I believe that I make excuses to myself about why I am not losing the weight I should be losing.
I believe that I sometimes truly believe these excuses.
I believe that I can change my mindset.
I believe that I hope I can change my mindset.
What do you believe?

Monday, October 29, 2012


"Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst,"
I got measured for my maid of honour dress on Saturday.  I was between sizes and chose the smaller size.  I was half an inch, to an inch bigger than the smaller size and figured I can lose the inches/weight before her wedding in May.
Am I crazy? Do I call the store and ask to change the order to the larger dress size? Am I setting myself up though I know I can lose the weight and the inches....I'm fairly confident in my decision and frankly, what's a bigger motivator than being able to fit into my dress. Hello!
So, as luck would have it, I was visiting with friends later that day and encountered a personal trainer friend who created a food plan for my BFF to fit into her wedding dress. I asked him if it was possible to create one for me - I would pay and I would succeed. He wasn't sure at first - he does this for a living and he means business. Me and Bestie have carried our excess weight around with us for years so I can understand his hesitance. At the same time, he knows we are both getting married and want to look our best for such an important day. In the end, he messaged me and told me he'd help me out.
I am hoping for the best and I am not expecting the worst. I can't prepare for the worst because I won't be ordering the larger size. Going against all my best judgements - though I think in this case it's just fear and anxiety.
I will succeed. You will see. I will see. There will be no worst.

Friday, October 26, 2012

Fundamental Friday

"One swears by wholemeal bread, one by sour milk; vegetarianism is the only road to salvation for some, others insist not only on vegetables alone, but on eating those raw...the scientific truth may be put quite briefly: eat moderately, having an ordinary mixed diet, and don't worry,"
Robert Hutchison
This has been a short work week for me.  It has also been a good blogging week.  Am creating my groove and trying to get back into routine and good habits for myself.
On this fabulous Friday - I am thankful for the amazing late October weather we are having. Can't wait to visit a haunted house tonight with some of the very best friends a gal can have. The man and I spent some time together every night this week. I have been buying decor for the wedding (on sale!!) and am getting fit and measured for my maid of honour dress tomorrow.
I will be happy with whatever that measurement is knowing I will look beautiful on my best friend's wedding day and that by the time the dress comes in, I will be smaller in it.
Hope your weeks were good and that you are all truly looking forward to a wonderful weekend.

Thursday, October 25, 2012


"Cheerfulness is the best promoter of health and is as friendly to the mind as to the body,"
Joseph Addison
I am truly as cheerful as they get.  Imagine if the more cheerful one was, the skinnier they were as well.  Mind. Blown.  I'd be nothing! I'd be writing a blog about gaining weight.  Wait, I am writing a blog about gaining weight...
But there is proof to the thought of positive thinking and what it can do for ones health - both emotional and physical.  While I am a truly happy person, I have dark days - dark moments and in those may lie one of the reasons my weight is the way it is. Why I am the way I am.
I may have shared this story once before but I have gone to see a spiritual consultant once or twice in my life (*cough* psychic *cough*) I actually asked her about my weight. It's a pressing matter on my mind and I've been obsessed with it even before it should have been an issue to me (thanks family).
She said that I may or may not lose the weight. And that I would be happy and beautiful in any shape or form I am in.  I wonder if that weighs (no pun intended) heavily on my mind and is projected in my attitude and thoughts? I always worried about knowing my future with a psychic in case I screwed it up when whatever was supposed to happen came along - perhaps I'm doing the same thing with my weight issue? 
Hmmm...lots of thought for a Thursday.
Have a cheerful day!

Wednesday, October 24, 2012


"I shall never permit myself to sink so low as to hate any man,"
Booker T. Washington
And this includes hating myself. Ever. Which I never have - though I strongly dislike myself sometimes.  Like that time I ate fast food and followed that by another meal. Yeah....that wasn't a love me kind of day.
I was sick for a couple of days - and it was definitely my body's way of telling me to take care of it and of myself.  Mental health days are just as important as physically ill days - and often, I believe the 2 are intertwined.  I slept.  I vegged.  I was alone with my thoughts while sleeping and vegging.  I woke up refreshed - still with a weak stomach - but happy to get up and be productive in my day.
I've been considering 2 sorts of weight loss programs. One is the tried and true Weight Watchers which does work when it's done and tracked properly.  The other one is following a doctor and nutritionist program.  The money I'd spend is about the same for both - so that's not a main factor in my decision.  I think I'm going to attend the orientation session with the doctor and see if his program is for me.  I've known coworkers who were successful on the program.  Though I am worried about restrictions.  One of the many reasons I like Weight Watchers is because it doesn't tell me to never eat carbs, etc  The doctor's website talked about certain programs restricting certain foods for certain periods of time.  That won't work in my lifestyle.  I know myself.  I know I will never not eat pasta or bread.  I will never not give up fruit because of its sugars.  So, I need to be open-minded but I need to be realistic about long-term management as well. 
Am excited about the new opportunities.  I talked about it with my fiance last night as well and he likes the nutritionist idea - I am beyond lucky to have such amazing support in my life.  He tells me all the time how attractive he finds me, how sexy he thinks I am.  And that, in turn, has me wanting to be healthier, happier and sexier for him.  And for myself.  See? How can someone who hates themselves ever want to feel that way. 

Friday, October 19, 2012

Fundamental Friday

"The secret of happiness is not in doing what one likes, but in liking what one has to do,"
J. M. Barrie
Day 2 of blogging.
Day 2 of a new revelation. We'll see.
But on Fundamental Friday I visit what has gone well for me this week and focus on the positive - one of my most favourite things to do.
I treated myself to a mani/pedi last night and have these gorgeous red talons to show off now. It looks very regal and fun with my sparkly engagement ring. Am happy.
I started blogging again - and am hoping to continue this as a routine, as an escape, as a means to communicate with others who are struggling and successful. Am happy.
I have a packed weekend of activity starting with movies tonight with the girls, wedding errands tomorrow with my sister and visiting a pumpkin patch with my love. Am happy.
Me think I doth protest too much - but I am feeling happy. Much happier than my dark place a day or so ago.

Thursday, October 18, 2012

The Weight on my Body

"When we cannot find contentment in ourselves, it is useless to seek it elsewhere,"
Duc de la Rochefoucauld
Funny thing about contentment...I consider myself a very content person. I love my life, the people, the things...all the things except my weight.  On that topic I am anything but content.
Yeah, yeah - broken record. But isn't weight loss and weight gain a broken record for those of us not content with it? I'm doing ok with my weight loss. I gained back half of what I lost last winter over the summer - indulging in one too many patio cocktails and bbq'd hot dogs smothered in ketchup and mayo. 
Then I went and got engaged. And have my best friend's wedding in 7 months from today. Weight Watchers is huge on my mind and I'm going back after a very long self-indulged summer break (which seems to have been stretched to mid-October) and yet the prospect of fitting into a huge white dress and standing beside my gorgeous, tall blonde BFF is STILL NOT ENTICING ME TO LOSE WEIGHT.
When the H-E-double hockey sticks does THAT moment come? It's a myth, right? That light bulb that goes off and weight loss is just natural and easy. Thing is, I know it's work. I've done that work. Do I have bigger issues than I think? Am I making excuses for being healthy and happy?  I am healthy and happy though. Right? right?
Last night I drove home after work - knowing I was going home to a wonderful dinner my fiance was making for us. I left the parking lot, proceeded straight to the McDonald's drive-thru and ate a meal before meeting him for our lovingly prepared meal together. WTF?!? WTH?!?!
Ugh. Sigh.
I'm not an excuses type of person but after gorging on french fries and junior chickens - the very next thought in my head was you need to write in your blog. You need to hold yourself accountable. You need to hold yourself accountable. You need to hold yourself accountable. To yourself.
So, that's what I'm doing. Welcome me back with open arms.....please.