Envy.

"Anyone can sympathise with the sufferings of a friend, but it takes a fine nature to sympathise with a friend's success," Oscar Wilde

I am guilty.

I have suffered from envy. Friend envy - and it's the worst. The pits I tell ya.

I am not really a materialistic person, I do however like nice things. I want to be able to take whirlwind weekend jaunts to Vegas with my friends; I want that gorgeous Michael Kors clutch; I want to wear that hot pink mini out in the market and be stared at for all the right (errr, wrong) reasons....

So, I work hard and hope that the old saying of 'good things come to those who wait' is really true.

However, that does not apply to weight loss. You have to work really hard for weight loss and not just 'wait'. I am getting weighed tonight. I'm not entirely sure of why I have been in such a downward spiral these past few weeks. After reading some other blogs, some of you have been too.

I spent this past weekend trying to figure out why I am sabotaging myself, why I cringe at compliments, why I envy slimmer people. I don't have all the answers but I did come to realize that envy is not the answer. That only sets me up for another downfall.

My friends love me for me and I love them for them. Exactly as we are. Will they love me more when I'm thinner - well, the best I have come up with is that they will react to the happiness and peace I come to with myself once I set out, reach and succeed at my goals.

Maybe then I'll be the subject of envy...

*hugs*