Fundamental Friday

"The secret of happiness is not in doing what one likes, but in liking what one has to do,"

J. M. Barrie

 

 

 

Day 2 of blogging.

Day 2 of a new revelation. We'll see.

 

But on Fundamental Friday I visit what has gone well for me this week and focus on the positive - one of my most favourite things to do.

 

I treated myself to a mani/pedi last night and have these gorgeous red talons to show off now. It looks very regal and fun with my sparkly engagement ring. Am happy.

 

I started blogging again - and am hoping to continue this as a routine, as an escape, as a means to communicate with others who are struggling and successful. Am happy.

 

I have a packed weekend of activity starting with movies tonight with the girls, wedding errands tomorrow with my sister and visiting a pumpkin patch with my love. Am happy.

 

Me think I doth protest too much - but I am feeling happy. Much happier than my dark place a day or so ago.

 

*hugs*



The Weight on my Body

"When we cannot find contentment in ourselves, it is useless to seek it elsewhere,"

Duc de la Rochefoucauld

 

 

Funny thing about contentment...I consider myself a very content person. I love my life, the people, the things...all the things except my weight.  On that topic I am anything but content.

 

 

Yeah, yeah - broken record. But isn't weight loss and weight gain a broken record for those of us not content with it? I'm doing ok with my weight loss. I gained back half of what I lost last winter over the summer - indulging in one too many patio cocktails and bbq'd hot dogs smothered in ketchup and mayo. 

 

 

Then I went and got engaged. And have my best friend's wedding in 7 months from today. Weight Watchers is huge on my mind and I'm going back after a very long self-indulged summer break (which seems to have been stretched to mid-October) and yet the prospect of fitting into a huge white dress and standing beside my gorgeous, tall blonde BFF is STILL NOT ENTICING ME TO LOSE WEIGHT.

 

 

When the H-E-double hockey sticks does THAT moment come? It's a myth, right? That light bulb that goes off and weight loss is just natural and easy. Thing is, I know it's work. I've done that work. Do I have bigger issues than I think? Am I making excuses for being healthy and happy?  I am healthy and happy though. Right? right?

 

 

Last night I drove home after work - knowing I was going home to a wonderful dinner my fiance was making for us. I left the parking lot, proceeded straight to the McDonald's drive-thru and ate a meal before meeting him for our lovingly prepared meal together. WTF?!? WTH?!?!

 

Ugh. Sigh.

 

I'm not an excuses type of person but after gorging on french fries and junior chickens - the very next thought in my head was you need to write in your blog. You need to hold yourself accountable. You need to hold yourself accountable. You need to hold yourself accountable. To yourself.

 

So, that's what I'm doing. Welcome me back with open arms.....please.

 

*hugs*

 

 



Reason Wednesday

"Cultivate only the habits that you are willing should master you," Elbert Hubbard

Good day mates!!

Surprise, surprise, surprise. It's what you're saying to yourselves, right?

She's back again with a post about how she misses us, how she wants to blog, how she is disappointed in herself. Well, folks - she's sick of it too.

To keep this one short and sweet - I have rejoined Weight Watchers. I am not making any promises to myself except to really try; to really give it a-go; to really do my best.

I have my best friend's engagement party this year, her wedding next year, maybe a wedding of my own in the next couple of years - and more than wanting to be thin for those purposes - I want to be less fat for my own. I want to feel proud of my body, my clothes and be sexy to my boyfriend.

So - for all those reasons....and infinite more, I am back.

*hugs*

Reason Wednesday

"Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be," Abraham Lincoln

My reason on this day,

Why it's ME of course - hooray!

No one can help me do it,

I've got to put my mind into it.

Happiness is what happiness does,

And happiness is what happiness was.

My journey is far from its end,

My heart, soul and spirit are on the mend.

Que sera sera they say,

And on this very important day...

I've decided to make it ME.

It's the only way to be.

*hugs*

Guilt

"There's no point in being crippled by guilt. Simply acknowledge to yourself that you have done something wrong, learn by it, and get on with the rest of your life" - Anonymous


I am acknowledging feeling guilty. Not only about not blogging but about not taking care of myself.

I am acknowledging feeling tired. Not only because I seem to be dragging myself around anything I do, but because I am not taking care of myself.

I am acknowledging feeling fat. Because I am. I am not taking care of myself.

I was in New York City last weekend. It's my favourite place in the world. I went with my wonderful boyfriend and another fabulous couple. We had an amazing time. Then he posted the pictures we took. I instantly hate who the person I see when I see me. Now please, this isn't some half-hearted plea of 'whoa is me' business. I hate people feeling bad for me. Don't feel bad for me. I have put this weight on all by myself. I carry it around on my shoulders. I keep waiting for some epiphany to jump-start my weight loss and take me to the promise land.

Deep down inside, you know that little voice that is speaking to the true you - it keeps telling me that only I can bring myself to like myself. Only I can bring myself to care about me. Only I can lose this weight. For me. To like myself in pictures. To like myself.

This picture is going to feed my guilt. It will feed my wants and desires to just be a better me.

I love you Me in that picture. But I don't want to be you anymore.


*hugs*

Growth

"Women are always being tested...but ultimately, each of us has to define who we are individually and then do the very best job we can to grow into that," Hilary Clinton

I was supposed to be thinner by now.

I was supposed to be going to the gym atleast 4 times a week.

I was supposed to be tracking points and making healthy and worthful food choices.

I was supposed to care enough about myself to want to make changes.

I was supposed to use the inspiration I find when reading your blogs and apply it to myself.

I was supposed to be accountable to myself.

I was supposed to feel sexier and less self-conscious.

I was supposed to be able to climb a set of stairs and not be winded.

I was supposed to fit into clothes that are sitting in my closet waiting to be worn.

What the heck happened?

*hugs*

Reason Wednesday.

"Greatness lies not only in being strong, but in the right use of strength," Henry Ward Beecher

Beautiful bloggers - how I have missed you so.

I have also missed me so too.

You would be so disappointed in me if you only knew...

...how lazy I have become.

...how HORRIBLY I have been eating.

...how glutunous I am.

...how unmotivated I was.

I'm back because of yesterday.

I was at work and had a meeting. I wore a black business suit with a white blouse underneath.

I have never felt so uncomfortable in my entire life.

Friends, I am going to be honest in that, I seriously had trouble breathing. I was sitting at my desk and could not believe that I was that person. The person who has perhaps eaten way too much in the last few weeks. The person that needs new clothes because her old ones don't fit her anymore - all of her own doing.

I have hit the bottom. That has to be the bottom the way I was feeling yesterday.

I weighed myself when I went to my b/f's house last night as well and I am up. Big time.

I don't know why I keep thinking the weight is going to come off - just like that. Snap of the finger. Clap of the hand.

Why am I so disillusioned about this?

Frankly, I'm lazy. And I hate to say that people who are overweight are lazy - I am speaking specifically about MY case. I have been lazy.

I am working on figuring this thing out one hour at a time, one day at a time.

I am back reading and following your successes and mistrials. I need to be motivated and you do it for me. Big time.

Thank you.

*hugs*