Guilt

"There's no point in being crippled by guilt. Simply acknowledge to yourself that you have done something wrong, learn by it, and get on with the rest of your life" - Anonymous


I am acknowledging feeling guilty. Not only about not blogging but about not taking care of myself.

I am acknowledging feeling tired. Not only because I seem to be dragging myself around anything I do, but because I am not taking care of myself.

I am acknowledging feeling fat. Because I am. I am not taking care of myself.

I was in New York City last weekend. It's my favourite place in the world. I went with my wonderful boyfriend and another fabulous couple. We had an amazing time. Then he posted the pictures we took. I instantly hate who the person I see when I see me. Now please, this isn't some half-hearted plea of 'whoa is me' business. I hate people feeling bad for me. Don't feel bad for me. I have put this weight on all by myself. I carry it around on my shoulders. I keep waiting for some epiphany to jump-start my weight loss and take me to the promise land.

Deep down inside, you know that little voice that is speaking to the true you - it keeps telling me that only I can bring myself to like myself. Only I can bring myself to care about me. Only I can lose this weight. For me. To like myself in pictures. To like myself.

This picture is going to feed my guilt. It will feed my wants and desires to just be a better me.

I love you Me in that picture. But I don't want to be you anymore.


*hugs*